Bad Reputation [2/3]

Posted on Sun Jan 19th, 2025 @ 9:12pm by Commander Cornelius 'Kit' Hanlon & Crewman Mateo Gardel
Edited on on Sun Jan 19th, 2025 @ 9:38pm

3,532 words; about a 18 minute read

Mission: To Boldly Go
Location: First Officer's Office, Deck 2, USS Fenrir
Timeline: Day 7

[ON – Continued]

"Mateo, what do you want? From this posting, from this ship?" he asked before he broke eye contact. He didn't want to make him feel judged or too scrutinised.

Mateo blinked at the question, his posture stiffening as he tried to process it. What do I want? It wasn’t a question people asked him, at least not in a way that felt like they actually wanted to know the answer. His usual response would be a sarcastic deflection—some quip to sidestep the vulnerability of admitting what he truly needed. But as he sat across from Kit, watching the commander’s calm, steady demeanor, Mateo hesitated. Sarcasm hadn’t worked for him so far, and maybe... maybe this time he should try something else.

The silence stretched as he looked down at his hands, his fingers lightly tracing the seam of his jumpsuit. He frowned, his brow furrowing as he gathered his thoughts. What do I want? What do I need? The words rattled around in his mind, dragging with them years of frustration and disappointment.

Finally, he exhaled softly, lifting his gaze to meet Kit’s. “I didn’t ask to be here,” he began, his voice quieter than usual, steady but carrying a weight of honesty he rarely allowed himself. “The Fenrir wasn’t my choice. Starfleet decided this was where I needed to be. They think this posting is supposed to fix me or... something.” He paused, his jaw tightening as the bitterness of the thought crossed his face.

“But if you’re asking what I want,” Mateo continued, leaning forward slightly, “it’s respect. Not the kind you get from a rank or a title. Real respect. For who I am, for what I can do, for what I bring to the table. Because I’m not just some kid in a jumpsuit who likes to argue. I’ve got skills. I’ve got ideas. And I’m good at what I do.” His voice picked up slightly, the frustration seeping into his words.

His dark eyes dropped to the desk again as he pushed on, the vulnerability starting to creep into his tone. “But respect isn’t something people seem to think I deserve. It’s like... because I challenge things, because I question orders or don’t fit neatly into the mold, people think I’m a problem. That I’m more trouble than I’m worth. They don’t see someone who wants to understand and do better. They just see someone who doesn’t play by the rules the way they want.”

Mateo shifted in his seat, his fingers curling briefly into a loose fist before relaxing again. “I get it. I know I’ve got a reputation. And yeah, I’m not exactly a fan of being micromanaged or treated like a cog in the machine. But I’m not stupid. I know orders exist for a reason. I just... need to be given room to breathe. To figure things out. To actually solve problems without someone hovering over my shoulder, waiting for me to screw up.”

He glanced at Kit again, his expression softening slightly. “I guess... I need people to see me as more than just a name in a personnel file. I need them to trust me. To give me the space to prove I’m more than the trouble they think I bring. And, most of all, I need someone to stop giving up on me every time things get a little hard.”

His gaze dropped again, and his voice lowered, almost as if he were speaking more to himself than to Kit. “I want to do exceptional work. I want to matter. But it’s hard to do that when everyone’s just waiting for me to fail. I don’t need someone to coddle me or fix me—I don’t need pity. I just need someone to... stay. To let me show them what I’m capable of.”

Mateo leaned back in his chair, the faintest flicker of unease crossing his face as he let out a slow breath. “I guess that’s it,” he added, his tone quiet now, almost reflective. “That’s what I need. To be seen, to be challenged, to be respected. And... not to screw this up. Because I know there won’t be another chance if I do.”

The weight of his honesty hung in the air, and Mateo let the silence linger, his gaze briefly flicking back to Kit before he looked away again. For the first time in a long time, he’d let someone see beneath the armor, even if just a little. It felt... strange. Vulnerable. But maybe, just maybe, it was worth the risk.

Kit took a slow breath, looking at him for a long moment. He had taken in what he had said. What he needed versus what he wanted. And he noticed as well the weight he had put on himself. It wasn't just the people around him, there was a very real sense from where Kit sat that Mateo believed he was self-sabotaging himself on some level.

I don't think I'd be able to easily give up on him, he thought, because when Mateo had been talking he realised that it was most likely the root to a lot. If you were told again and again you were one thing, you started to believe it. And a bad reputation, being told you had one...well, wouldn't you just start believing it?

But Mateo didn't deserve to feel like that. No one did. Starfleet was all about self-improvement and for that you needed people who believed in you and supported you.

"Alright," he said, a small smile coming to him. He gave him a nod of approval, leaning a little closer. "Here's what we will do."

He let it hang for a moment to gather his own thoughts, not just for dramatic effect. "I'll talk to the Chiefs. It makes sense that you use one of the medical labs for the most part anyway, that will be your domain on your shift. With your duties, I don't think that micromanagement will be an issue. You are a specialist in your field. I don't want you to isolate yourself though, it's important that you work with both science and medical." He folded his hands on the desk, finding himself leaning a little closer.

"Mateo, you're a member of Starfleet. And as such, you have my respect. I read your file. And I don't care if someone decided to transfer you here to fix you. I'm not a counsellor...but from where I am sitting, the one thing we need to fix is your work environment so you have what you need to do your job to your standard...which I believe is a high one," he gave him a small smile again, but his eyes were serious. "So we start on that. And the rest, we'll work on, together."

Mateo sat frozen for a moment, processing Kit’s words. He felt his pulse quicken, not out of fear or anxiety, but from something he couldn’t quite name. Relief? No, it was deeper than that. Hope. Genuine, unfamiliar hope. It was an unsettling sensation, one he wasn’t sure how to handle.

He shifted in his seat, his fingers brushing against his thigh in an unconscious, grounding gesture. Kit’s tone wasn’t patronizing or dismissive—it wasn’t the kind of speech meant to placate a subordinate and move on. It felt... real. Intentional. As if Kit had actually listened to everything he’d said, taken it in, and decided to do something about it. That alone was hard to believe.

When Kit mentioned giving him the medical lab as his domain, Mateo’s brow furrowed slightly, his mind racing. A space of his own? Without someone breathing down his neck? The idea felt almost foreign. No one had ever trusted him enough to give him that kind of autonomy before. He couldn’t help but wonder if it was a trap, a setup for failure. But when Kit continued, his voice steady, his words cut through that doubt.

The phrase “You have my respect” struck him harder than he expected. Mateo’s fingers twitched, his body stilling as he met Kit’s gaze. He wanted to say something, to acknowledge what Kit had said, but his throat felt tight, and the words wouldn’t come. Respect was something he’d fought so hard to earn, and here it was being offered freely, without conditions or caveats.

Kit’s comment about fixing the work environment lingered in his mind, stirring something raw and uncomfortable. Mateo couldn’t help but think about all the times his environment had been part of the problem—officers who dismissed him, colleagues who avoided him, superiors who had written him off. He’d always assumed that was just the way things were. That he had to survive despite it.

But now? Someone was willing to meet him halfway. To fix the system around him instead of trying to fix him.

Mateo exhaled slowly, realizing he’d been holding his breath. His voice, when he finally spoke, was quieter than usual, the sharp edge of sarcasm absent. “That’s... more than I expected,” he admitted, his accent softening the words. He glanced down, the vulnerability in his expression unguarded for the first time in a long time. “I mean... people don’t usually ask what I need. Let alone try to make it happen.”

He paused, his gaze flicking back to Kit. There was a flicker of skepticism in his eyes, but it was tempered by something new: a cautious, fragile trust. “You don’t even know me,” Mateo said, his tone more reflective than accusatory. “And you’re willing to... work on this with me?” The question hung in the air, heavy with disbelief, but it wasn’t a rejection. It was a tentative step toward understanding, the first Mateo had taken in longer than he cared to admit.

Mateo’s lips twitched into the faintest semblance of a smile, his dark eyes searching Kit’s face as if trying to find a reason to doubt him. But for once, there wasn’t one.

“Alright,” he said finally, his voice steady. “Let’s see if this works.” It wasn’t much, but it was a start. And for Mateo, that was more than enough.

He hesitated for a moment, glancing down at his hands before looking back at Kit. “And... thanks,” he added quietly, the words coming out uneven, almost unfamiliar. Mateo’s tone wasn’t overly formal or sentimental—just honest. “For not just... writing me off. It means more than you probably think.”

The faintest blush crept into his cheeks as the words settled, and Mateo quickly shifted in his seat, glancing toward the door as if to redirect the moment. Gratitude wasn’t something he was used to showing, but for once, it felt right. He just hoped Kit understood what it had taken to say it.

Kit smiled gently, shaking his head. He suspected that not many had heard the words from the young man. The thank you especially. But also the honesty. Was all this had taken the difference between talking to and talking with? Had Kit listening made such an impact? It made him wonder about the missed opportunities that had occurred for Mateo through his career so far.

When all it might have taken was someone genuinely taking an interest in his wellbeing? Joining Starfleet is hard, graduating regardless of whether it is the enlisted route or officer route is hard. How come no one has taken the time to invest in this resource, this person? Kit thought and it was what was sad. But if he thought about his own experiences, those that graduated during the war, had it hardened them so much they adopted a sink or swim approach?

"No, I think I know what it means," he said quietly, the smile fading. Because there was a lot to process for him too. "Mateo, I...might not know you," he followed up, the words he had said striking a cord in him. "But you're a member of Starfleet, and a member of this crew. And you deserve the same respect and consideration as anyone else here. With time, we can get to know each other as...well, people. We should. I'd like to mentor you, if you're willing to try. Because I want this to work out for you. I want you to one day transfer somewhere where you want to go, willingly, because feel your skills would be better applied there."

Mateo shifted in his seat, caught off guard by the quiet conviction in Kit’s voice. Mentor me? The words lingered in his mind, stirring a mixture of emotions that was hard to parse. His instinctive reaction was skepticism—mentorship was a word he’d grown to associate with disappointment. Every time someone had claimed they wanted to help him, it had ended the same way: frustration, abandonment, and the quiet, lingering implication that he wasn’t worth the trouble.

They always came around to the same conclusion, didn’t they? Ignore him when he pushed back, gloss over the parts of him they didn’t like, and eventually, send him off to be someone else’s problem. He could already feel the ghost of that cycle tugging at the back of his mind, a voice whispering that this would end the same way. But Kit didn’t sound like the others. The way he spoke—direct but thoughtful—made Mateo wonder if maybe this time would be different.

His gaze dropped to his hands, his fingers idly tracing the seam of his jumpsuit again. “Mentor me,” he said softly, almost to himself, as if testing how the words felt in his mouth. The idea felt surreal. For so long, he’d operated under the assumption that he was on his own—that he had to be, because no one else stuck around long enough to matter.

His gaze flicked back up to Kit, his expression uncertain. There was a faint blush on his cheeks, the kind of vulnerability he usually buried deep under layers of sarcasm. “I don’t know,” he admitted quietly, his voice carrying a rare openness. “I mean... it’s not like mentorship and I have a great track record. Usually, it ends with me disappointing them or them deciding I’m not worth the trouble.” He paused, swallowing before continuing, his voice lower now. “Or worse, just ignoring me until they can send me off to someone else to deal with.”

The words hung in the air, heavy with the weight of past frustrations, but Mateo forced himself to keep speaking. “But... you don’t seem like the type to give up on people.” There was no humor in his voice this time, no deflection. Just a quiet, cautious hope that maybe—just maybe—Kit meant what he said.

Mateo hesitated, his fingers fidgeting slightly before stilling. He didn’t want to admit how much he wanted this to be real, how much he wanted someone to finally invest in him without an agenda or a hidden motive. But if Kit was willing to try, then maybe he owed it to himself to do the same.

“Alright,” he said finally, his voice steady. “Let’s see if this works.” It wasn’t much, but it was a start. And for Mateo, that was more than enough. He wasn’t used to offers like this, ones that didn’t feel transactional or weighed down by ulterior motives. Kit’s approach felt different—like an opportunity, not a leash. And for the first time in a long time, Mateo found himself willing to take the chance.

It was a small step, but for Mateo, it felt monumental. For the first time in a long time, he let himself believe that maybe things could be different. That maybe someone like Kit really could make a difference—not just in his career, but in his life.

"I'm not scared of hard work," Kit said softly, looking at him with a weak smile that spoke of experience of said hard work. He understood the reluctance, he couldn't even phantom the amount of he had been let down. "All I ask for is honesty, Mateo. I'll give it to you straight in return. No games, no manipulation. I was never good at those things anyway."

He had thought about what he said about disappointment. That in itself was difficult. Disappointing someone led to a feeling of being less. Shame, even. Well, Kit didn't like those emotions for himself, let alone for someone else. But there were ways of dealing with it, to make sure rather than disappointment it was a learning opportunity. Honesty would help with that.

"All I ask is that if you find yourself...getting into it with someone, especially an officer, talk to me. I don't want to hear from others about any interaction that's gone off the rails, I'd like you to tell me. Doesn't matter whose fault it would be, because...well, that doesn't matter. I'm not here to judge, or tell you how to behave, but I might be able to help on stuff like...working with difficult people. Because when something goes like that, there's never just one element that causes it. It's either both, or situational, or stress. And it happens..." he looked down with a small smile. "And it can usually be overcome by talking it through."

Mateo listened carefully, his gaze fixed on Kit as he spoke. There was something about the commander’s tone—steady, genuine, without even a hint of condescension—that kept him engaged, even as his instincts bristled at the idea of involving Kit in disputes. He wasn’t blind to how it might look to his crewmates, running to the XO every time something went sideways. It wasn’t about pride exactly, but more about perception. Mateo didn’t want to come off as someone who couldn’t handle things himself, or worse, someone who needed a babysitter.

Still, Kit’s words weren’t about micromanaging or undermining his autonomy. They were about trust. Mateo could hear it in the way Kit framed the offer—not as a command, but as a collaboration. And maybe that was what made it land differently than similar conversations he’d had in the past. Kit wasn’t asking for compliance; he was offering support. That was new.

“I get what you’re saying,” Mateo said after a moment, his voice quiet but deliberate. He shifted slightly in his seat, his fingers brushing against the armrest as he organized his thoughts. “And... I appreciate it. Really. It’s just...” He paused, his lips pressing into a thin line as he tried to find the right words.

“I don’t want to be the guy who’s always running to the XO,” he admitted, his tone carrying a hint of unease. “It’s not about ego or anything, it’s just... I need the people I work with to respect me, to see me as someone who can hold his own. If I’m constantly escalating things, I worry it’ll look like I can’t handle my own problems.”

His brow furrowed slightly, the tension in his expression betraying the depth of his internal conflict. “That said... I get why you’re asking. And if something happens, and I’ve tried to handle it but it’s not working, I’ll come to you. I’ll keep you in the loop. I promise.”

Mateo exhaled softly, his gaze flicking to the desk as he continued. “I know you’re not trying to put me in a box or tell me what to do. And I get that things can spiral if you don’t deal with them the right way. I’ve seen it happen. Hell, I’ve been in the middle of it happening more times than I’d like to admit.”

He leaned back slightly, his dark eyes lifting to meet Kit’s again. There was a flicker of vulnerability in his expression, tempered by the determination that had always been a part of him. “So yeah... I’ll do my best to keep things from going off the rails. And if they do, I’ll let you know before it becomes someone else’s problem.”

There was a faint, self-conscious smile tugging at the corner of his lips, and Mateo shifted again, the smallest trace of nervous energy betraying his effort to meet Kit halfway. It wasn’t easy to admit he might need help, but if Kit was willing to meet him with honesty and trust, Mateo figured the least he could do was try.

[TBC]

Commander Cornelius ‘Kit’ Hanlon
First Officer

&

Crewman Mateo Gardel
Medical Science Specialist

 

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