Seeking Guidance

Posted on Sun Mar 23rd, 2025 @ 1:50am by Lieutenant Aristede Steele PsyD. & Lieutenant JG Riaothren (Ren) ch'Shaorhs
Edited on on Sun Mar 23rd, 2025 @ 6:47pm

1,583 words; about a 8 minute read

Mission: To Boldly Go
Location: Counselor's Office

ON

"It had been a difficult transition for Ren ch' Shaorhs. He was still in the middle of the grieving process. He had pretty much come to terms with the fact that Jarin was gone, that he was in fact really and truly dead. But there was a nagging feeling that he couldn't shape that maybe, just maybe he wasn't dead. After all, no body had been recovered. At least not in the official, sterile, unhelpful report. One he'd read half a dozen times before tossing his PADD against a bulkhead.

To top that off, he was dealing with an Orion teenager with more questions than Ren had answers to, more questions than Ren himself had.

All of which meant that when Ren took a seat in the small anteroom of the Counselor's office, he wasn't there for a run-of-the-mill, on-boarding counseling session.

Aristede Steele's office was anything but with a floor to ceiling set of bookshelves dominating one wall, an oriental carpet centered in the room, and furniture that looked more antique than modern. Centered in the space, rather than pushed back against the wall, was a comfortable sofa and across the expanse of coffee table, a wing-backed armchair with a side table with lamp. There was no terminal access to the computer system and no desk. With original art on the wall, many from former patients, the room looked more like a library in someone's home than an office. A credenza on the wall opposite the door held a tea and coffee service. The door stood open, as it did between sessions, and Aristede, who was returning a book to the shelf, looked up in surprise to see someone sitting there. "Please, come in," he said, as he gestured for the lieutenant to join him. "I'm Aristede Steele and ... you are?"

The Andorian's left antennae vibrated while his right tilted toward the counselor. He held out his hand. "I am Riaothren ch' Shaorhs. You can call me Ren though. It's good to meet you."

Aristede accepted the handshake, a human notion, but one that had spread quickly throughout the Federation.

He gestured with his free hand as he looked around the room approvingly. Do you have a preference to where we sit?"

"Why don't you take the sofa," Aristede said, as went to stand in front of the wing-backed chair, "and you can tell me a bit about what brings you here today."

"I'm new on board, as you might have guessed," Ren said as he took a seat. His posture was stiff, he leaned back on the sofa keeping both feet on the floor. It's mandatory for every officer to visit the doctor and counselor upon arrival to be cleared for duty. So, that is one reason I'm here."

"But it's not the real reason."

He looked down at his lap, then the floor, not making eye contact with Aristede. Only his antennae were focused on him

"The real reason I'm here is I feel I'm at my breaking point."

Aristede, sat down himself once Ren had, and went from a relaxed posture to one that indicated active listening in a heartbeat. "Can you tell me more about that? What happened?"

Ren let out a long slow breath. "My best friend, the man that I loved, love, is gone. He was on yet another secret mission and disappeared. They say he's dead, but they never recovered a body. What makes it worse, is that we had an argument just before he left and I never had a chance to tell him I was sorry."

"Presumed dead," Aristede said quietly. It was a sort of limbo, he thought, where the loved one remained both dead and alive in one's thoughts for without proof, it was hard to move on. "Tell me something about your relationship. How long were you together, how did you meet?"

The faintest hint of a smile crossed the Andorian's face disappearing almost as soon as it showed on his face as a memory played in his mind.

"It wasn't a perfect relationship, I don't know any that are, but it was good. The only thing we really fought about, other than an occasional spat that we'd forget the next day. was his career choice. He is a risk taker. He was an Intel officer, A Section 31 Intel officer."

"We've known each other since we were teenagers We met when we were on the Asger. He was a bad boy, even back then He made some really rude comments to me that he thought were funny. I didn't. Our first date date was a knock down drag out fight. Not an argument. A fight. Fists and elbows. all of that."

"Unusual date," Aristede said with a slight chuckle. "So, how did you come to terms with the danger inherent in his profession."

"It was a point of contention between us, for some time, "Ren admitted. "Lots of restless nights, weeks going by when I didn't hear from him We finally came to an agreement. He'd stop, and go back to being just a security officer."

"Then he got called to one last mission. Another last mission. That's when I lost it. That's when I told him he didn't need to come back if he choose to go."

"And he didn't. Come back that is."

"Tell me," Aristede said quietly. "Do you think he knew that you loved him? That you were angry out of concern for his safety?"

Ren slowly exhaled. "I'm sure he knew I loved him. I'm not sure if he thought my anger was out of concern for his safety. He probably thought it was because I was trying to keep him from doing what he was called to do, what he loved doing."

"We often tend to attribute our own worst motives to things we say and do," Aristede said. He sat quietly, his attention wholly focused on Ren, his expression serious and thoughtful. "He'd already agreed to return to Security, rather than continue in Intelligence. Could it be that he understood you were angry out of concern for his safety? Out of fear?"

Ren's antennae were still now, or as still as an Andorian antennae were ever going to be. "There is that," he said leaning forward slightly, "though he'd made the promise before. That's what caused the fight."

"And that's a second problem, isn't it," Aristede asked. He opened one palm and then the other as he spoke, "on the one hand, he left while you were fighting and you weren't able to talk it out, and on the other hand, you aren't sure you were wrong, either. Is that about it?"

Ren nodded as the counselor spoke. "That's pretty damn close," he replied with almost no hesitation. "He broke a promise. Again. I know he had good intentions and wanted to be a hero, and I wanted that for him. But he wasn't thinking about us, just thegreater good."

"My argument was right, my feelings real, It was my approach that was wrong. I was attacking him rather than trying to understand him."

"You made a mistake in your approach," Aristede said. "Knowing him as you do, isn't it likely that he understood what was happening? If he had come back as he always had before, wouldn't the two of you have talked it out?"

Ren leaned back, steepling his fingers and briefly closing his eyes. "We would have," he admitted, "we always did, and I know I'm not supposed to feel guilty, but it still hurts and I still feel like an asshole for the way things ended."

"I have a suggestion for you," Aristede said after a moment. Logic and reason had little effect on guilt; something he well understood. "It's a bit old-fashioned, I warn you, but there's power in it." He rose smoothly to his feet, circled around his chair and headed over to the credenza. He crouched before it, opened a door, and pulled out a few sheets of paper and a pen that looked to be almost museum quality. He brought it back and set it on the table in front of Ren. "Write a letter. Tell him everything you would have said if he had returned. Everything. Be honest with him and then put it in the envelope and seal it. It's not the same as saying it to him but there's benefit in letting what you're feeling out."

Ren hesitated for a moment, unsure if the suggestion was brilliant or bordered on quackery. His antennae which had been moving slightly back and forth stopped altogether.

He reached out and took the offered material with a small nod of his head.

"That might help, I will try it. Then maybe we could get back together in a week or so?"

"Of course," Aristede said. "I'll put it on the schedule." He hesitated a moment and then added, "It's the things left unsaid that hurt us the most. It's not the same as telling him but I think you'll find that there's a relief in saying them anyway. So," he rose smoothly to his feet. "Until next time?"

"Yes," the Andorian replied as he rose to his feet, " until next time."

Aristede nodded and waited for the Andorian to leave before asking the computer, "Alright, who's next."

Lieutenant Aristede Steele PsyD
Counselor
USS Fenrir

Lieutenant JG Ren ch' Sharohs
Asst Operations Chief
USS Fenrir

 

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