First Impressions & Fault Lines

Posted on Sun Mar 16th, 2025 @ 11:07pm by Crewman Mateo Gardel
Edited on Sat Mar 29th, 2025 @ 7:29pm

438 words; about a 2 minute read

Personal Log – Crewman Mateo Gardel
Medical Sciences Specialist, USS Fenrir

I don’t know what I expected from meeting Captain Blake. Maybe something more rigid, more impersonal. Another officer with a polite, measured way of reminding me where I stand. Where I should stand.

But it wasn’t that. Not exactly.

She was sharp, observant. I don’t think anything I did went unnoticed. The way I held myself, the way I answered her questions, even the way I hesitated before stepping inside—it was all cataloged. But she wasn’t waiting for me to slip up. She was just watching. Not to judge, not to confirm a pre-existing opinion. Just to see.

That’s different.

I think I made the right call, choosing honesty over deflection. Maybe not complete honesty—I’m not that reckless—but enough. I admitted what I usually keep under layers of sarcasm and strategic silence. That I’ve had a hard time in Starfleet. That I know how to do my job, but I’ve never been good at the rest of it. That people make up their minds about me before I get a chance to prove myself, and when I feel like that decision’s already been made, it’s hard to care about changing it.

She didn’t try to sugarcoat anything. She didn’t reassure me that things would be different here. She just told me how it was going to be. I wouldn’t be treated any better or worse than anyone else. I wouldn’t be given higher expectations or harsher scrutiny because of my past. I’d do my job. Follow orders when it matters. That’s all.

I should’ve been skeptical. I am skeptical. But I want to believe her.

And I don’t like that.

Believing people is dangerous. Letting my guard down, even for a second, is dangerous. But for one moment—just one—I did.

And I laughed.

Not a quiet, guarded chuckle. Not a short, breathy huff meant to defuse tension. A real laugh. The kind that comes out before you have the chance to catch it. The kind that makes your chest feel lighter, like you forgot for just a second how much you’ve been carrying.

I shouldn’t have let that happen. But I did.

And I think she noticed.

It’s too soon to say what I make of her. But one thing is clear: she’s not what I expected.

And maybe that’s not a bad thing.

End log.

 

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